Night City was a breeding ground for legends, both good and evil. No matter the time period, they would rise and fall, continuing this cycle like a natural order of the universe. The next legend of Night City would start this cycle anew when he entered the scene, his future uncertain but great. One meeting with his opposite would change his path forever. Enter Yorinobu Arasaka, son and heir to the Arasaka empire. A rebellious youth with no respect to his father's values and visions of the future, his reputation was already notorious and widespread after the mistakes of his youth. Breaking away from the family at one point, Yorinobu led a gang known as the Steel Dragons, made up of ten trusted associates nicknamed the Ten-Necks of Yorinobu. Their time as an organization was short, but one filled with terror as Yorinobu led them to be quick, effective, and ruthless in their work. Yorinobu did not care for the corporate world the way his father did, and the source of his
I like that you incorporated the game Cyberpunk 2077 into your story. It felt like I was teleported into the game and living it out. Your introduction to the story was very detailed and unique. A suggestion that you might consider is putting the year it is at the beginning of your story. For example, “It is the year 2084, and in Night City, anything can happen.” It would give it a more advanced, futuristic feeling when reading the story. There is one aspect of the story that I did not understand. Like you said it would make sense for the courier and V to interact with each other before V tries to steal the case. One thing that I have to say was that it was hard following who was speaking throughout the story. I was not able to distinguish if V was speaking or if the courier was. Perhaps if you could label who is speaking, it would give readers a better clarification. You did a very nice job with recreating this story into your own.ReplyDelete
I love story that re-told in a different aspect. I love that you brought the new aesthetic into your story. I always intrigued to read story that have some sense of futuristic components and your story was a very good one. I love how you kept the tones of the character consistent throughout the entire story. All the dialogue were well written that carried with it a purpose to build the story.ReplyDelete
I was a bit confused when reading the dialogue that was written, because I had difficult identifying which dialogue belong to which character. It was sort of mixed up in your story. I think that if you could add something to help us as audience know which person is talking would help a lot.
I wonder what would happen if V would get ambush during the transaction. Was he prepared for an ambush or like a hand on gun fight. I know that Cyberpunk has some fighting in it.
I really enjoyed your story “V and the Diamond Heart.” By changing the setting and characters while keeping the same central goal of a heart, your story parallels certain aspects of the original tale while feeling like a completely new narrative. The descriptive beginning of Night City hooked me in, and it allowed me to imagine the world that the story is taking place in. The dialogue allows for the story to naturally progress, and the flow is really natural. Furthermore, the style in which the dialogue is written in gives the readers subtle insights of the characters. Both Dex and V are sharp, witty, and concise, reflecting the competitive, dangerous nature of Night City. I was left wondering how Dex is going to respond to V failing to capture the heart; V is desperate to make a quick buck, and it seems like Dex doesn’t like hiring people who fail. It’d be interesting to continue the story and see how V pursues the heart implant. Overall, it was a great story!ReplyDelete
I found it really cool that you incorporated the game Cyberpunk into your portfolio, I have not played the game but I have seen videos of the gameplay so this was very cool to me. I have a couple of suggestions for your portfolio. One of which on your home page, it looks a little blank, one way I add something to there is by giving clickable buttons for my different stories and it is really easy to do with Google Sites just find "buttons" and add your story. Another thing I noticed was you have the same header image for your story and your home page. One way you can change that is maybe adding another image from the world of Cyberpunk to your front page or vise versa. The one you have is really neat though. Last thing stylistically your portfolio may benefit from a little color but as far as your story goes it was really well written!
I've commented on one of your stories before, and really liked it, so I wasn't surprised when I saw that you were the author of this story as well- another fantastic tale! One of the things that I think you always do really well in your storytelling is the dialogue. I just recently started including more dialogue into my own stories, and it is deceptively difficult to write things that feel natural while also sounding interesting. Cudos!ReplyDelete
If I had to make one suggestion- and this is seriously me nitpicking- there was one instance about three-quarters of the way through the story in which you started three consecutive lines of dialogue with the word "yeah." Two of these were stuttered words. I might suggest changing one or two of these to some other word like "sure," and perhaps putting the second stutter on a different word. Overall- a fantastic success of a story!
Hi Aaron! I really enjoyed reading your storybook Indian Epics in Night City. Your first story V and the Diamond Heart was a great twist on The Crocodile and the Monkey's Heart. The dialogue you added into the story made it very easy to read along and understand everything that was going on. I really enjoy the way you changed the dynamic completely from a story set in the past to one that takes place many years in the future, very clever. I think if you continue with this same storyline or setting per say that this story book is going to be very exciting. One thing that might be helpful in these stories would be to add in some more details of the characters and the settings they are in. I was able to follow along really well and picture what was going on but I have never actually seen the game Cyberpunk and I think it may be helpful to your readers if you thought of your stories from that perspective. Overall, great job! I look forward to reading more of your stories.ReplyDelete
I really admire the creativity you used when beginning your storybook! Your first story seems so modern, unique, and completely your own, yet it is still based off of The Crocodile and the Monkey's Heart! I love the dystopian theme. I never would have thought to write like this. You even incorporated a video game, which I think further shows the creativity you used when writing this story. I am really interested to see how your further stories connect to this one. I think you could write a really interesting, action-packed storybook by using V. You have definitely made your stories interesting to the everyday reader, and not just lovers of Indian epics. Good job!
Hi. I liked your story. I thought you did a good job right off the bat explaining how night city worked. You provided good details that explained how it was a dog eat dog world where people do anything to survive and be on top. I do wonder why V decided to trust Dexter. Even though he is an up and coming mercenary it seems likely that V would know to stay away from Dexter. Maybe you could explain that V was desperate for a job or he thought that he would not be like the other mercenaries that worked with Dexter. I think adding a detail like that could really flesh out who V is. I liked how you chose to have a futuristic city. It reminds me a lot of blade runner. Overall a great story and a fun read. I look forward to reading the rest of your stories.ReplyDelete
I really liked the theme and style of your story. I also enjoyed the images you used and layout format you used for story. My main advice would be to build on the richness of the story and to give it more life. I think it is still very much in essay format but maybe you could add more conversations and dialogue to give the story life. Overall, good job! Keep it up
Hi Aaron! I have never played Cyberpunk, but I loved the sci-fi setting for your story! It was unexpected, but I am here to say as someone without any knowledge of the setting you did a great job describing it! I also liked how you adapted one of the Jataka tales in a non-obvious but still maybe-obvious way. I didn't get it until I read the author's note, but then it was obvious! I liked that because it didn't feel like you were limited to the specific tale you chose. I really enjoyed the header image for this story, I think it set up a nice setting. The one comment I had was that the spacing is really weird around your dialogue--it looks like you pressed enter twice? Besides that I don't have much to say as your story was really well done. Great job, and I am looking forward to reading what you write next!ReplyDelete
Ahhh, very clever story you have at the beginning with V and the courier. I was totally able to see the depiction of V and the courier was supposed to be the monkey and the crocodile. Even more so when in the end, he was tricked, because he thought he had obtained the heart, but really it was just the outline of the cybernetic heart. I've never played or heard of Cyberpunk 2077, but this made me super interested in playing the game. The character "V" sounds like an awesome character who would definitely be played as the antagonist, or am I mistaken? Anyway, I think the background and setup of your project look great, but what about making a bigger picture for your home title screen? Also, in the first story I sometimes got lost with who said what. Maybe, to clear up the confusion for future readers, you can add in who was talking after each quote. It looks good though, Aaron!
I enjoyed reading your stories from your project. The images you used for headers were very nice and so was the language you used throughout the story. I don't really know anything about Cyber Punk, but I think that you did a really great job with your stories. You really made them unique and feel like a work of their own. I think the dialogue was maybe just a little confusing, but still pretty good content wise. I like the way you set the second story up. I definitely read it like there is an action movie narrator doing a V.O. Your Author's Notes are very appreciated and I think you do a good job at describing where and how you got your inspiration. I really enjoyed reading your stories and I wish you the best of luck with the remainder of your project!
Hi Aaron! I was so exited to see that you had written another story! I've been wanting to read another one! I actually took some inspiration from you when writing my story this week. I decided to step out of my story telling comfort zone and write in a noir style setting (I am also taking a noir fil class this semester, so the leap was not a large one). I actually thing that it was one of my better stories, and I was definitely thinking of your stories when writing some of the imagery for my story.ReplyDelete
I think that you excel in writing dialogue and spelling out the thoughts of your characters. I might suggest trying to incorporate either some dialogue or some moments in which you talk about what either V or Jacky is thinking in the first two paragraphs rather than just having them be two straight paragraphs of intro and background.
Hello Aaron, I really enjoyed the layout and especially loved the crystal clear images you used in your story as Cyberpunk is one of my favorite video games. I felt this story had me engaged from the start! After reading the author's note at the end I felt everything was connected and I like how you connected the sci fi to one of the Jakata tales. I've been working on adding more dialogue to my stories and your story has a good balance between the story and dialogue. One of my changes was to add color to the background of the text and the text from black and white to colors, which made mine looks a lot more colorful. I saw other comments about the dialogue being a little confusing but that's a easy change to just add their names. Overall great story and hopefully your on the randomizer again so I can see the finished product!ReplyDelete
Hey Aaron! When reading your author's note for your story "V and the Diamond Heart", one think that I wanted more of was the "why". Frist of all, I think that you are doing a really good job with the cyberpunk and noir setting of the stories. One initial thing that I want to know is why you chose to write your stories in this setting. Do you like the world of cyberpunk? Do you think that the stories that you are re-telling work especially well in this setting? Also, why did you pick those stories that you did to do re-tellings of? Did you want to change something in the original? Were there elements that you thought would work particularly well in the cyberpunk setting that you are working in? Did you just particularly like the story and want to work more with it? I think you do a nice job of talking about the choices that you make in the story itself, I just want to know more about how you got there.ReplyDelete
For your first story, I love that you were inspired by the crocodiles’ story instead of the monkey’s for your take on the tale. Since the original tale was more from the monkey’s perspective, its easier to base your version on that, so I really like that you decided on a different approach. Plus, the ending was not a happy one that had any resolution. It ended on somewhat of a cliffhanger, which I found refreshing. If this were a book or a movie, I would absolutely want to know what happens next. I also really enjoyed your second story. I thought the ways in which your altered the plot while not veering too far from the original tale was really creative, and it worked very well. One thing to note is that you may consider writing an introduction, either a full page or just a paragraph or two, explaining what your inspiration is. I’m not familiar with Cyberpunk, so a lot of the terms you used went over my head. Plus, if these characters actually exist or are based off of video game characters, I think a quick background on each of them would be really nice to include. Who are they in the Cyberpunk world? What are their strengths and abilities? Little things like that that don’t give away the plot but provide enough information for me to understand who they are would be really fun to read. Overall, well done! I loved your storybook!
Hi Aaron! I enjoyed that for your first story you set the story on the game “Cyberpunk 2077”and adjusted the characters accordingly to fit the “Crocodile and Monkey’s Heart” story. I find it so amazing that there are so many stories out there from different parts of the world that are similar in so many ways. I like that the meaning was still maintained – to not fool someone, otherwise you yourself will be fooled. In continuation to your second story, you used the same theme – “Cyberpunk 2077” and I really enjoyed that you gave a break from “V” and focused on his friend Jacky. I also really loved the theme picture; it went so well with the minimalist theme of the hotel – and I noticed that it was also part of the game. I really appreciate that you gave so much detail to the game and surrounded it in all your stories. You did an amazing job!ReplyDelete
Good afternoon, Aaron! I am here from your portfolio. While I was there I checked out your story "V and the Diamond Heart". Before diving into your story I went ahead and reread your inspiration for your version, "The Crocodile and the Monkey's Heart". I really enjoy that story and I believe it leaves a great foundation for creative stories that could go in many different directions. As for your story, I have never played Cyberpunk 2077. Despite this, I really found your story a job to read. The elements you added and changed made it a unique and enjoyable story to dive into. Your author's note did a good job of getting me, the uniformed reader, informed haha! Your website is also very neat. Great job with all of this man! The semester is slowly coming to a close but hopefully I get to check out more of your stories next week. Good luck with the rest of your semester!ReplyDelete
Hey Aaron! I really enjoyed your story about the Night club and the bouncers drinking the special bottle of cognac! It was a cool spin on the Guilty Dogs story! I liked the theme of the owner getting mad and punishing everyone instead of seeking the full story first. I think it would be really interesting to add some more info about the bouncers or what the owner said to them when he found out!ReplyDelete
Hi Aaron! Your stories were very interesting! I specifically enjoyed "How Jacky Saved His Own Life". You did a great job with illustrating the story through your words.ReplyDelete
I also like how your website is formatted. It is very organized and well put together.
In each of your Author's Notes, you do a great job at describing the story you based yours on. That is very helpful to the reader and beneficial. You are a great writer. Your stories are all very interesting. Keep up the great work! Your stories are great!